


Giant Dragon Wings and a Devil Tail

by Star4545



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Watford (Simon Snow)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 09:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18808066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star4545/pseuds/Star4545
Summary: Two years after breaking up, Simon and Baz meet again. Simon's in a relationship with a normal, Baz is a professional musician. But one incident brings them back together.





	Giant Dragon Wings and a Devil Tail

**Baz**

The bow glides against the strings of my violin once more before the abrupt end of the piece. I look out into the audience as I check in with the applause of the audience. I can’t see him due to the blinding stage lights, but I know he’s there. I know he is sitting there, front row, center stage. I know he asked to bring someone with which I obliged. I wish he didn’t ask that. I wish he was single, and I didn’t have to face another obstacle that stands between me and Simon Snow.

The lights turn off and I hurry off stage. I place my violin in its case and grab my jacket before heading out towards the lobby. I spot Simon before anyone else. He must’ve spot me too because he and his guest are heading towards more, quicker than I’ve prepared myself for. He’s hanging off the arm of a guy. A guy, he has said on social media, is his boyfriend. His boyfriend is rich, as rich or richer than the Pitch family. He works for some big company and has a nice apartment in the rich part of London. But what I don’t know is if he is a mage or not. I don’t know if he knows about Watford or Simon’s Chosen One past or about the wings and tail.

“Hey Baz! Long time, no see.” Simon says, walking up to me with his arm still wrapped around his boyfriend’s. I’m sure Simon doesn’t mean to shove it in my face that he’s in a happy two-year relationship, but he is. “You did a great job out there!” I release my gaze of the interlocked arms and look at Simon. He still looks the same, but he is wearing an expensive suit that makes him look really handsome.

“Thanks.” I say as if I couldn’t think of anything better. “How have you been? What are you doing nowadays?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

“I’ve been great. I work part-time as a primary school teacher while I work on my book.” He probably doesn’t need a job; his boyfriend is plenty rich. 

“You’re writing a book?” I ask.

“Yeah, about everything.” I furrow my eyebrows. “My past.” I glance over to Simon’s boyfriend. He looks oblivious to what Simon is talking about. I can hear him let out a dignified snort that screams, you will never get that book published, but I’m your boyfriend, so I’ll pretend to have hope in it.

“Simon, I think it’s time to go.” His boyfriend says in an overly articulate posh accent that would put mine to shame. He says it like Simon is a child who has acted out in public. I don’t even get to say goodbye before Simon’s socialite boyfriend is dragging him away from me.

I mingle around the lobby until I find Penelope and Micah. They are visiting from America, a last holiday before their newest addition comes. Penelope runs over to me as fast a pregnant woman can. She has a huge smile on her face and gives me a hug, Micah pull me in for one of those stupid bro hug things.

“That was wonderful Basil. Everything about it was so fantastic. You are so talented. Once the baby is born, you have to visit us in America and play for the baby.” I nod. 

“I will.” I say. “How much longer are you in the UK for?”

“We leave Monday, but we are leaving London tomorrow to visit my family.”

“Are you ready for Baby Bunce?”

“Can’t wait to get him… or her out of my stomach.” 

“She’s ready.” Micah says. 

“Are you?” 

“Ready enough.”

“Do you know if Agatha is here? I invited her, but she never responded.” I say.

“I don’t think she came Baz.” I nod. It's expected after all. It seemed that the day she left for California; it was a silent vow to leave England behind. “She’s doing well though. Has a good job and a nice apartment. She’s trying to make a name for herself.”

“And she has a really cute dog.” Micah pipes in.

“The cutest.” I laugh. “Baz, I would love to chat, but my feet are killing me, so I think it’s time for Micah and me to pop off.” I give them both parting hugs and they leave. I scan the lobby to make sure no one else of importance is here, before leaving the venue.

I walk home. It’s not too far and it’s not cold. I walk up the never-ending five flights of stairs to my dingy London apartment. I decided after university that I wanted to make my own life and not rely on the Pitch family fortune. I decided that I was going to get a job and only take money from my parents when I need it. Now my income consists of money from violin lesson and playing whatever gigs I can find.

I put my violin down on the counter before scouring the cabinets to find something to eat. I fed before my show, but the human need for food always seems to appear after a show. After I eat, I lie on my bed, and read through my notifications. At the very top is a contact name I haven’t seen since I left Watford. It’s an emoji of a snowflake. The message says: you did amazing 2night. glad we talked.

From that message a lot of emotions I haven’t’ felt in ages come back to me because Simon and I haven’t talked in forever. After the whole Mage situation, we dated for about a month before Simon broke things off. He said I reminded him too much of Watford. A month after that, he started dating his current boyfriend. I remember when I first saw that Simon was dating someone else, I threw my phone against the room and cried. It doesn’t help that Simon’s boyfriend looks like an alternative universe version of me. This alternative universe me wouldn't be a vampire and would have short hair. They would also have an actual job that didn’t leave me wondering if I have enough money to pay the rent. That message he sent is so inherently Simon: the sweet words, the text language instead of proper English, and the good intentions that somehow always end up bitter.

I text back: I’m glad we talked too.

Because that’s all I could come up with.

I followed up: Your boyfriend seems nice.

He texts back: i dont need your opinion on my bf

Because that’s all our relationship is, isn’t it: good intentions turned sour.

Me: I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that you look cute together and I’m happy for you.

Him: I shouldn’t have texted.

Me: What are you on about? I’m actually happy for you.

Him: bye baz

Me: WTF, Simon?

He doesn’t text back. A part of me thinks he is drunk or another part of me thinks that his boyfriend saw him texting me and took his phone to stop him. I wish that would happen so he could scroll up and see all the previous conversations the two of us shared. All the ‘I love you’ and the ‘I miss you’ and the horrendous number of memes. Did Simon keep all those texts? I sure did.

 

**Simon**

All my life I have been told by everyone I’ve met that I’m an idiot, thick, a numpty, or a git. Sometimes in the joking fashion and others in mockery, so I have learned that yes, I am an idiot. But I haven’t truly understood my utter stupidity until now. Since breaking up with Baz and Penny moving to America, I lost my source of Nothing to See Here spells. But Penny being the smartest magician I know, came up with a potion to help hide my wings. Mages don’t use potions, it’s a thing of Harry Potter that the World of Mages is starting to incorporate. Through classes at Watford, Penny knows a thing or two about potion making. She makes it for me and sends a couple jars every two months. I drink a jar of it on Sunday and it hides my wings and tail for the whole week. My boyfriend still doesn’t know about them or anything about my past. He thinks the book I’m writing is pure fiction rather than reality.

But now, being the absolute git, I am, lost the jars. It’s Sunday and I can’t find the fucking jars. It’s very possible he threw them out by accident, but he’s never done so before. The worst part of this is I’m not set to get another couple jar for at least two weeks. So, he is going to have to find out. He is going to find out about the dragon wings and devil tail, about Watford, about the Mage, about everything. At least he will finally understand how important this book is not only to me but to the World of Mages. Hopefully, the Coven won’t find out and have to cast Ix-nay on the atford-Way.

 I search everywhere, coming up with dead ends all around. I sit down on my bed and let a loud huff escape me. I hear the door of the apartment open and my boyfriend’s sweet voice filter out a, “Hello.” My wings wrap around me as I await the turning of the doorknob into the bedroom. I hear the familiar footsteps go up the stairs and see the doorknob turn. I try to control my wings to unwrap me, but it’s been so long since I’ve actually had them out of hiding, I’m afraid what little control I had of them, I’ve lost. I stand up as the door opens, the wings flying out to my sides. My boyfriend steps inside the room, chuckling at me.

“It’s only May, Simon. Halloween isn’t for months. I know you love it, but…” I’m taken aback by his response. I’m normally alright with words around him, but my anxiety has taken all my social skills away.

“I know that.”

“Then why do you have these wings?” He steps toward me, reaching out to touch one of my wings. My tail wraps around my leg defensively. “Oh… I get it. I didn’t know you were into this kind of stuff, but I’m open to try it.” He places a hand on my right wing.

“I’m not a scaly and these aren’t fake. Neither is the tail.”

“Is this research for your book or something? Because I would like a better notice next time.”

“It isn’t research for my book. I’ve been hiding a piece of myself from you because I’m not supposed to tell you, but… I need to tell you.” I sit back down on my bed; he sits down next to me. “This is going to sound bonkers, but I’m a wizard… well was… well we aren’t called wizards. Anyway, I was born a magician with magic and a wand. I grew up an orphan in different boys’ homes.  When I was eleven, this guy called the Mage, he is like the ruler of the magicians, told me that I was the Chosen One. He took me to Watford which is like Hogwarts, I guess, and that’s where I met Baz and Penny. To be able to go there, I became the Mage’s Heir and the Mage gave me the Sword of Mages. During my eight years at Watford, I tried to learn how to control my crazy amount of magic, fought the Humdrum, and in my last year there try and avenge Baz’s mum’s killer. The Humdrum was a villain who ended up taking the form of eleven-year-old me. But, in the end, I lost all my magic and ended up killing the Mage by accident. Now I’m stuck without magic and with these wings and tail.” I look to my boyfriend who had a look of concern in his eye.

“You’re kidding, right? That’s the plot of your book, you’ve shown me the outline.”

“It is the plot of my book… my autobiography. I’m writing it for the World of Mages, not for normal people.”

“You are a normal.”

“I just told you that I’m a mage.”

“Simon, I think you need a break from writing. You should rest up for a couple days. You haven’t been sleeping well…”

“I’m not crazy! Try and take my wings off my back, you won’t be able to. I can tell you any spell and what it does. I can tell you anything you want. I’ll tell you anything. Please believe me.”

“We need a break.”

“Are you serious?” He nods. “Where am I supposed to go? I can’t walk down the streets of London with giant fucking dragon wings and a devil tail, now can I?”

“Why don’t you get one of your wizard friends to come and make them disappear?”

“We aren’t called wizards!”

“Mages, then. Go and call one of your mage friends.”

“The only one I have is Baz.”

“Call him up then, yeah.” I groan. I rather not call Baz and tell him about all this, so he can call me a git, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I stand up, getting my phone from its charger, and call Baz.

“Put him on speaker.” I roll my eyes and do as told.

The phone rings a rather long time before I hear a tired sounding, “Hello.”

“Baz, I need your help.”

“What’s wrong?” All the tiredness is gone from his voice. He always did this when we were dating, put me before anything else. It was a blessing and a curse.

“I…” I let out a huff. “Have a problem. If I text you my address, can you come over?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” I go off the phone app and send my location to him.

“Also, can I stay at yours for a couple days? I’ll explain later.”

“Of course, Simon.” He says. His tone of voice is filled with such a huge amount of love. It momentarily makes me forget that he isn’t anything but my boyfriend. “See you soon, Snow.”

“See you soon. Oh, Baz…”

"What?"

"Bring your wand." I hang up and eye my boyfriend before going to my wardrobe to get a backpack and some clothes. “I thought that you’d understand this, and we could work past it.”

“Maybe we will be able to, but I need some time to process." He says. "Can you get that through your thick head?” I scoff. At least when I dated Baz, that insult went away.

“I’m not as stupid as you make me out to be.”

“Oh really… Prove it.” I want to scream at him, I do. My fights with Baz were always loud, so loud that Penny would tell us to be quiet. We would scream at each other for hours until we realized that we were screaming about nothing. We would stop when we realized that we loved each other, and all the fighting was stupid. But, in this relationship, it's all passive aggressive comments and cold glares.

I walk out of the room, waiting on the couch in the lounge, wondering how long it will take Baz to get here. I hear my boyfriend puttering around in the kitchen, mumbling under his breath. The world seems heavy, my wings only bringing me down. I haven't felt this feeling in a long time; this absolute, never-ending train of anxiety.

I hear a knock on the door and let out a deep breath. Baz is on the other side when I open the door wearing a pair of jeans and a button up with stars printed on them. I got him that outfit. I can tell he realizes and blush fades onto his cheeks, he must've recently eaten.

"Are you going to let me in?" I nod, stepping aside so he can enter. He looks around the apartment, judging its size, he probably has a much bigger one. My boyfriend walks into the lounge, eyeing Baz with a cruel eye. A stare that says don't you dare take my boyfriend. Baz is eyeing him back.

"Can you spell my wings now so we can leave?"

"Well, I can't do it with him standing there."

"I told him." 

"Told him what?"

"Everything."

"Simon, you shouldn't be admitting this to me, my father is in the Coven."

“You think I don't know that. Please, Baz, please." He huffs. I know he hates using magic on me. I close my eyes.

" **Nothing to see here.** " He casts. Unlike Penny's potions, I can still feel the weight of the wings on my back and my tail behind me. The spell makes them invisible to the naked eye, not temporarily gone. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to see my boyfriend, but I know I have to face the world, so I open them.

He's staring at us, no surprise. He's there with his mouth wide open and a surprised glint in his eye. I want this fight to be over; for him to say something cheesy like I can learn to love your flaws, but I know that won't happen. I know that he will treat me even more differently. I'll walk out of this apartment with Baz and come back in a few days. Maybe I'll decide to stay with him or I’ll decide that being with a normal isn't for me. But, to be honest, was it ever because even if I don't have magic anymore, it isn't a part of myself I should have to hide.

"Simon…" He says.

"C'mon Baz, we're leaving."

“Simon…" I grab Baz's arm and lead him out the doorway, into the elevator, and outside onto the streets of London. It feels good, the fresh air on my face.

Baz leads the way; I follow behind him. We don't talk much. We walk in silence for what feels like forever until he asks me. "Are you hungry? Have you had dinner?" I hadn't eaten and I didn't realize it until now.

"I could go for some dinner." Baz takes me to some cheap restaurant, and I pig out. Baz sits there, not ordering anything except a beer.

"Do you want to talk about what happened with your boyfriend?" Baz asks as we enter back onto the streets.

"I'm a git is all."

“Don't call yourself that."

“Well, I did, and I deserve it. I am so stupid and dumb and ugh. Why am I so dumb?"

"You are not."

"Yes, I am, Baz. You called me that all the time. And what happened tonight was utter stupidity. Please just call me stupid."

"I am not going to call you stupid, Simon."

"I lost a fucking potion. Penny makes it for me and sends it to me. It makes my wings and tail disappear. I drink it every week and it lasts for the whole week. I must've put it somewhere or it must've been thrown out. I'm so fucking dumb."

“It was probably a mistake. Don’t take it out on yourself.” I follow Baz into an apartment building and up five flights of stairs to the actual apartment. “I’ll text Penny tomorrow and ask how she makes it. It will be much more convenient if I make it for you. Then if anything happens, I can be at your apartment in a jiffy.” He says as he unlocks the door. I don’t want to be reliant on Baz in any way, but he isn’t wrong that him making the potion would be so much more convenient than it being shipped from America.

I step inside his apartment and it is not what I’m expecting because it’s all one floor, scratch that, all one room. Baz has a studio and not a very big one. It is all neat and organized with very Baz décor. Modern, sleek, minimalistic, but there are splashes of color all around. It looks homey. I just wonder why Baz would settle for this. Why would a man with so much money live in a small studio apartment?

He puts his keys on the counter along with his wallet and phone. I can hear him sigh. I know this must be awkward for him.

“Cute apartment.” I say.

“It’s not, but thanks.”

I look over to his bed. The blankets are all a messy in a very unlike Baz way. He never used to leave the dorm unless his bed was completely made. He must’ve thought I was in danger or something. Baz always used to love to take care of me, especially after the Humdrum, he was always so frightened something would happen to me. That’s one of the reasons we broke up, I needed space.

“I-uh… sorry the place is such a mess. I had violin lessons and then came home. I was… relaxing when you called. I didn’t have time to clean.” I know what relaxing in Baz language means.

“It’s fine, Baz.”

“It isn’t.” He walks over to his bed and makes it. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, yeah?” Why is Baz acting so weird around me?

“Oh, uh, yeah sure, whatever.” He looks up from plumping pillows to look at me. Baz is giving me a smile. He walks away from the bed and toward me.

“I will never ever call you stupid because you aren’t.” So, we are back to that. I know what he wants to follow up with. I know how much it aches him not to follow up with those three words. It’s silent for a moment, those three words hanging in the air above us, unsaid but there.

 

**Baz**

“So, um, how long will you be staying here for?” Also known as, do I need to take some money out of the Pitch fund because for you, Simon, I would do anything. Even if that means getting money from my parents to be able to house you and buy you enough human food to live.

“A couple days, more or less. I don’t know.”

He can stay as long as he wants as long as by the end of it, he is back in my arms. I want him to break up with that guy who doesn’t even accept Simon for who he is. I want Simon back in my arms so I can kiss him, have sex with him, fall back into our old routine, and fall back in love so we can pretend that nothing has ever happened. But then I realize the reality. No matter how many love songs I play him, no matter how many meals I buy him, no matter how many times I say I love you, I’ll always hit him too close to home. I’ll be a constant reminder of Watford and what happened there. The memories of my constant abuse towards him will haunt him. I could never do that to him.

“Okay.”

“I just want to see what happens.” I just want to see what happens. Does he think something will happen?

“Alright.” The spell starts to wear off. The red of the wings and tail coming into view. I forgot how big his wings are. “Are you tired?” Simon shrugs.

“I guess.”

“Let me get some pajamas from the wardrobe. I’ll change in the bathroom. You can change out here.” I say, doing as I told Simon. I go to the bathroom, trying to stop my racing heart. I wish I hadn’t fed today. I can’t get the picture out of my mind of a lost looking Simon standing in the middle of my apartment. We’ve known each other for years and yet I feel so far from him.

I exit the bathroom with a minty mouth and clean pajamas. Simon’s in a pair of joggers and a shirt with the Pink Floyd dark side of the moon logo on it. Simon doesn’t listen to Pink Floyd. He’s sat at the corner of the bed, looking uncomfortable.

“I put an extra toothbrush on the sink. It’s the blue one.” He nods, getting up and going to the bathroom.

I grab my phone from the counter, texting Penny to give me the recipe for the potion after explaining the situation. I get a text almost immediately listing off the steps to the potion. It doesn’t seem that difficult to make. Just a spell over some water with mint leaves. I look at my text conversation with Agatha. The last thing I sent to her was an invitation to my show, she left me on read. Then I check my calendar to see what’s in store for tomorrow. Phil at eleven, Martin at one, Susan at five.

Simon comes out of the bathroom, looking ready for bed. He climbs into my bed no questions asked, his wings curling around him. He doesn’t ask me to join him in there like in all the books. I turn off the main light and find my way to the couch in the dark.

“Baz…”

“Yes.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Baz…”

“Yes, Simon.”

“What if he doesn’t take me back?” I know that really means, what if I don’t want to go back to him? My heart flutters with hope.

“You can stay here as long as you need. I’ll even collect your stuff for you.”

“I can pick it up if that's what I decide. We didn’t end off that rocky.” 

“Some would say otherwise.”

“I’m going to sleep now.”

“Goodnight, Simon.”

“Goodnight, Baz.”

Soon enough I hear the quiet snores that I recognize from years of sleeping in the same room as him. I put my phone down, grabbing the blanket from the other end of the couch, and fall asleep.

I wake up to a godawful alarm blaring the annoying marimba that makes me want to bash my head into the wall. The alarm is abruptly turned off with a series of “Fuck, shit, fuck” which escape Simon’s mouth.

“Something wrong?” I say, sitting up, trying to expel the crook in my neck. Simon is rushing out of my bed, searching through his bag for something of importance.

“I’m going to be late for my class. I forgot to change my wake-up time and it’s going to take me longer to get there. Plus, I have absolutely nothing professional to wear.” I stand up, going over to my wardrobe, trying to find something of Simon’s or something that would fit his style. I hand him a pair of slacks and a plaid button up that might’ve been Simon’s because it surely isn’t mine.

“This okay?” He looks me in the eyes and nods, grabbing the clothes from me, and rushing off to the bathroom. He comes back out, dressed for the day. I quickly spell his wings and he’s out the door before the tea is done. I don’t know if he will be back or not. I don’t know a lot of things. But I hope he has a good day.

My day is long, filled with my three violin lessons, one with a child, two with adults. The lessons go by quickly, but the time between them moves slowly. I keep thinking about Simon. I shouldn’t have invited him to my concert. I should’ve just forgotten about him, put the past behind me, but something in me just can’t let Simon Snow go. I think it might be a vampire thing or a male primal instinct or the aftermath of being tied by the anathema, but I have this utter need to protect him. Simon always used to say, if you don’t find the one you are going to marry while at Watford then you will be forever alone. We found each other at Watford.

Around eight, I get a text from Simon saying he is staying at his flat tonight. He might be back tomorrow. He’s left his stuff here, so I’ll have to return it to him somehow. I hope he comes back.

 

**Simon**

I go home. Why did I go home? Did some part of me subconscious miss my boyfriend? Did I not want to spend an awkward evening with my ex? I feel like I have nowhere to go. I think I don’t want to admit how refreshing it was to see Baz. I also think I just want to shower in my own shower.

When I walk in, he is sitting on the couch, watching our favorite show. The new episode of our favorite show. The show we always watch together while eating Indian takeaway on Monday nights. Anger seeps through me.

“Wasn’t expecting you to be home?” I shrug.

“Well, I had a particularly bad day and I didn’t really feel like walking all the way to Baz’s.” He doesn’t pause the TV show. He doesn’t even look sorry for watching said TV show. I huff, walking upstairs to the bathroom. I quickly strip off Baz’s clothes and go into the shower. I wash off all the muck of the day: the child’s throw up, spilt tea, and paint. I am in the shower probably way too long, but the warm water feels amazing on my skin. I exit the shower and brush my hair before putting on a pair of joggers and a jumper.

I go back downstairs, raiding the fridge for something to eat. I find some leftovers from a few nights ago and heat them up. When it’s done, I join my boyfriend on the couch, the show just finishing up. The moment the show ends, he stands up and leaves. I want to scream. If I had magic, I would’ve gone off by now.

“Is there a problem? Don’t want to sit next to your boyfriend?”

“Stop being overdramatic.”

“You are the one being overdramatic. ‘We need a break.’ Really? Really?”

“You are the one who is a wizard with dragon wings, Simon. I have a right to want a break right now.”

“I shouldn’t have come home.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t’ve.” I glare at him; he glares back at me.

“Do you love me?”

“Simon…”

“Actually. Do you love me, or do you tolerate me? You think I’m stupid, don’t you? You think I’m stupid and uncultured. You just put up with me to make your own self-worth higher. I’m stupid and you like that because it makes you seem smarter.”

“You aren’t wrong, but I do love you, Simon.”

“Fuck you.” I put my plate of food on the table. “Fuck you.” I feel some tears coming out of my eyes. All my insecurities are coming true. I really am stupid.

“Are we breaking up then?”

“Yeah, we are.” I spit out. “I’ll pack my bags.”

“No matter how mad you are at me, wait until morning to leave. I don’t want you out on London streets alone at night.”

“Call me an uber then.”

I walk upstairs, trying to stop myself from shaking. This nice life I had for myself the past two years is crumbling down. I grab my suitcase from the hall closet, putting everything that I can find that is mine into it. All my clothes, my toiletries, my electronics, my mementos. I text Baz for his address and walk downstairs with a full suitcase. 

“Did you call me an uber?”

“It’s on its way.”

“Good.”

“Are you off to Baz’s?”

“Yeah.” I say, taking one last look at him. He’s handsome, but not so much as Baz. I’m sure this breakup will hurt me, but nothing as bad as my breakup with Baz.

“Is he your ex? The one who took you a long time to get over?” I nod. “Are you going to get back together with him?” I shrug.

“There is a saying that says that if you don’t find the one you are going to marry at Watford, you will be forever alone.” I say. “I’m going to go wait outside.”

“Bye Simon.”

“Bye.”

I drag my suitcase out of the door and into the elevator. I wait outside for a couple minutes till a black car rolls up. I give the driver the address and I watch the streets of London fly by. He pulls up in front of Baz’s apartment and I get out. Baz is waiting for me in the lobby.

“Let me carry your bag.” He says. I oblige. I don’t have enough strength to carry it up myself right now. He heaves it up the five flights of stairs. He gives me his keys and I unlock the door. He drags the suitcase inside, and I close the door behind him.

“I broke up with him.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I say. “Do you have any ice cream?”

“Uh, maybe.” I go over to his fridge and open the freezer. There isn’t any ice cream in there. I look through his fridge to find some food, trying to ignore the bags of blood inside. I find a half-eaten pizza and grab that. I open the box and start eating it cold.

“Sorry, I didn’t have dinner.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’m being so rude.”

“Mi casa su casa.” I bring the box over to the couch and continue eating there. I know Baz is probably going to be disgusted, but I couldn’t care less. He sits down beside me with the TV remote in hand, turning it on before grabbing a piece of pizza from the box, and eating it with me. “Do you mind if we watch this one show? There is a new episode and I’m dying to watch it.” I shrug and by pure coincidence, it is the show I always watch with my boyfriend… ex-boyfriend on Tuesday nights.

“This is my favorite show.” I say.

“Me too.” We just stare at each other and I find that I’m asking myself why I ever let this go.

The show ends and I find myself incredibly exhausted. I start to yawn. “Tired?” Baz asks me. I nod.

“I’m going to get ready for bed. I’ll take the couch tonight.”

“No, you just went through a breakup. You take the bed. I’m fine on the couch.” I get up, going to the bathroom. I’ll dig my real toothbrush out of my bag tomorrow, today I’ll use the one Baz gave me.

I walk out of the bathroom. “How was your day?” I ask, climbing into his bed.

“It was fine.” I nod.

“If you want, you can sleep in the bed with me.” Baz’s mouth hangs open a little before he closes it.

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”

“Oh okay.” I try not to be disappointed. I like cuddling. My mind flickers to when Baz and I were just figuring out a comfortable position for us to cuddle in with my wings. Baz always used to be the big spoon, but then we had to switch. He said he liked being held by me.

“Do you want me to?”

“Wouldn’t mind.”

He goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I stare at the gray ceiling until Baz comes out. He turns out the light and climbs into bed next to me. By habit, I wrap my arms around him, my wings wrapping around him as well.

 

**Baz**

It comes out of nowhere. I am almost asleep by the time I feel the back of my shirt begin to wet and sobs coming from the man next to me. I immediately perk up, turning around to face Simon. I always hated seeing him cry, I still do. I want to wipe the tears from his eyes, tell him it’s going to be okay, but I really don’t know. I don’t know what this is. I don’t even know if Simon wants to be comforted by me.

“I broke up with him and here I am cuddling my ex.”

“I knew this was a bad idea.” I say, trying to escape Simon’s death hold.

“NO! Don’t go. Please.” I relax, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “We… I… I fuck everything up, don’t I? I fuck this relationship up; I fuck my newest relationship up. Why can’t I ever be happy?”

“We both fucked this relationship up.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have dumped you.” I think about where we would be if Simon and I didn’t break up. We wouldn’t be living here, that’s for sure. Maybe we would be married by now. “At the time,”

“It was all still fresh, I know. I don’t blame you for the downfall of this relationship. It was a mutual effort.”

“Maybe we should try again.”

“Penny will be overjoyed.” I say, expecting to hear a laugh.

“Baz…”

“Oh, right, um, maybe once you’ve gotten over your breakup.”

“It’s not just my breakup.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just… ugh… being here with you brings up old memories. Memories I haven’t thought about in a long time.”

“Aren’t you writing a book?”

“Yeah, but it’s different and I haven’t gotten to Watford yet.”

“I’m sorry I’m bringing up old memories.” I can feel the back of his hair touch my hand. My temptation to run my hands through his curly blonde hair is very strong.

“I want to go to bed now.” Simon says, his crying finally subsided.

“Do you want me to stay here?”

“Wouldn’t mind.” I rub his back before releasing my arms from around his neck. I want to kiss him, but I don’t. I just look at the picture of a sleepy Simon, one I’m oh so familiar with. I forgot how many freckles he has. “Really living up to your vampire stereotype of watching me sleep.”

“You’re saying this like it’s the first time.”

“You’ve watched me sleep before?” I shrug.

“You’re very handsome.”

“Go to bed.” I try to, but memories of Watford keep flying into my head. All the bad things I said to Simon, all the fights, the memory of me pushing him down the stairs. No matter how much I apologize, I can’t ever make up for it.

“I’m sorry.” I say into the darkness, but Simon is fast asleep. I finally find enough sleepiness to do the same.

I wake up to Simon’s drool on my shirt (mouth-breather), a common occurrence that is rather gross, but I used to be used to it. He’s still sleeping when I get up. I ruffle his hair lightly before unwrapping his arms from around me to make me some coffee and a tea for Simon. After a while, I know he is watching me from my bed. I look over to him; his hair is all over the place from sleep and he propped up on his elbows, just staring at me.

“Who’s staring now?” I say.

“Shut up.”

“Nice comeback.”

It’s weird adapting to another person living in the apartment. He isn’t normally at the apartment on weekdays until late and on weekends, he sits at the dining room table writing. My hours are weird for my lessons and once in awhile I have a gig. Simon normally comes. We coexist and he doesn’t seem like he is leaving the apartment, so I get him a key. We haven’t kissed, haven’t done anything, we are just building back each other’s trust and the relationship we once had.

About a month into this living arrangement, Simon starts to help me pay rent. He doesn’t make much and neither do I, but together we have enough to pay rent and be comfortable. A nagging thought in my mind wants me to ask my parents for some money, enough to win Simon back with a nice dinner, but I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t think he wants that anymore either.

I’m cooking dinner when Simon arrives home one night. He lets out an exaggerated huff and walks over to the couch, lying on top of it. He looks aggravated and tired.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“No.”

“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Guess who stopped by work today.” Oh no. “My ex. I was having a relatively good day, you know. No throw up, no temper tantrums, no out of order tots. But during my lunch break, he comes by and says he wants to catch up. I told him I had a boyfriend and left the conversation.”

“You told him you have a boyfriend?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you calm enough to eat dinner?” Simon gets up and comes over to me. I hand him a plate, but he places it back down, grabs my shirt, pulls me toward him, and kisses me on the lips. It’s short and sweet, but fuck did I miss kissing Simon Snow. “Dinner?” I ask, even though I want to go lie down in bed and make out until we see stars.

“Mate, I just kissed you and you want to eat dinner? I thought I was supposed to be the one bad at commutating.” I kiss him this time. He kisses me back with a fervor that hasn’t been present since our days at Watford. “I missed kissing you.”

“Me too.”

“Can we try this thing again?” I hope he means dating.

“I would love to.” I respond, fueling my every dream and desire. “You won’t break my heart this time?”

“All breaking up did was harm me rather than help me.” I want to kiss him and take him to bed right then and there, but then I remember the dinner I made, and it brings me back to reality.

“Dinner?” Simon gives me an incredulous look before giving in and grabbing a plate. We both eat in silence. Simon doesn’t bother to ask how my day was, but I don’t mind. Simon grabs my plate when I finish and does the washing up. I go to help him, but he shoos me away. It reminds me of old times.

When Simon is done, he joins me on the bed where I’m scrolling through my phone. A few minutes later, Simon takes the phone out of my hands and kiss me. He smiles into the kiss and I’m elated. It seems like everything is back on track, everything back to normal. I know it isn’t though. Just like the weeks after the incident, Simon hates his wings. I know I have to give him more space. I know things are different now, but we will work through them. Because I love him and he loves me and nothing in this world could beat the feeling of the absolute sunshine of a person named Simon Snow loving you, not even the feeling of the bow gliding against the strings.

 


End file.
